Is it bad that I want you? - Behind the Music
The story behind the song
Is it bad that I want you? is a sultry song about the dichotomy of wanting something you can’t have. The push and pull, tension and release, of a dance between two people.
At first the chorus was “Sublime” and that’s what I was going to call the song. But I didn’t think it really was what the song was about, and something about the word came off cheezy to me, like it was too blatant. So I changed it to the word “Ah”, but then I didn’t have a title or a hook, but then I realized the hook was the “ da da da da’s” in the chorus, so I opened the song with that.
The chorus part is also meant to be a conversation between the bass line and the vocals. I’m not sure if people will pick up on that, but it was very intentional when it was written. It is a sort of post-coital conversation, but also mostly imaginary, hence the dreamy reverb, choral, and echo effects.
Production
This song was so much fun to produce. I experimented with a lot of new things I’ll share below. .
Piano
The song was written on piano, so everything else is built upon that foundation. I wanted to try something I thought about while listening to a spatial exercise in my production class. Spatialization is where you place the instruments in the mix, as if they were in different parts of the room. And you use panning to move the instruments around. You can even use automation to move an instrument from one place to another during a song, which is tres cool. You’ll probably only hear these intricacies with headphones or good stereo speakers, so take the time to sit and listen when you can.
I thought it would be interesting to place the piano parts as I hear them when I play, which is the bass in my left ear and the treble in my right, as I am sitting directly in front of the piano.
One thing I find rewarding about producing my own music is that you can get to hear it exactly the way I hear it. So I cut the track up and place the bass notes (below middle C) and panned it to the left about 30 degrees, and the treble on the other and panned that to the right about 30 degrees.
Good start. But it didn’t sound full enough. So my teacher suggested I double each of those tracks, pan them more to the left and right, increase the reverb, and lower the volume. I also needed to increase the high and low frequencies which is the opposite of what you would do to a main vocal. The result was lush. The final step was to take the duplicate tracks and flip them, so the bass was panned to the right and vice versa. This way it created somewhat of an echo effect, and when I got that right, the piano was complete!
This go around I also learned the value of quantizing tracks. As I go I discover little things that help me a lot. Quantizing is basically being able to take a midi (electronic) track, like my piano track, and get the notes to line up with the beat. Even playing with a metronome, I am shocked that I can get a little lost and then totally skip beats. Fine if I’m playing solo, but not good for this purpose!
Vocals
This track was fun to record vocals on because it was more of a hushed whisper, so I increased the gain on my mic and got close to it, so you could hear all the crackles and lip smacks.
On the lead vocal, I had made the mistake of putting too much reverb, but when my teacher noted it and I pulled the wet setting down, and also noticed a place where I had added automation mistakenly to the track but didn’t delete it, and that was screwing me up, too. But it was such an awesome release when the vocals cleared up and came forward. The next thing I did was double the main vocal track and compress the second one a lot (I don’t compress my vocals much because I wanted a warmer, more natural sound), pull back the volume, and add a touch of reverb. This gave it just the amount of roundness it needed.
For the chorus parts, I added reverb and a choral effect, doubled it, and panned one to the left and the other to the right. The second track is just 2 milliseconds behind the main track so it creates a natural echo sound without the boominess of adding the effect electronically. I wanted that part to be very different from the verse. I was a little stuck with being about to move the second track around in the mix because the choral effect, which I liked, already had panning built-in, so whatever I tried didn’t have an effect. Then I tried using a flanger on it and voila! A flanger is like an echo, but to me it sounds like the sound it bouncing off one wall, hitting another, and coming back, whereas an echo is just hitting one wall and coming back. So that created the effect I wanted of the backing track feeling like it surrounds you.
The harmonies are all done by me and they are my favorite parts, probably because of my chamber choir days. I also tend to take higher harmonies which you’ll notice in my songs, because I typically was assigned descant soprano (those are the really high, soaring harmonies you’d hear at church). I never really appreciated my natural soprano voice because all my idols are altos, but I’m going to use it more.
On the harmony parts, I also added a track that I transposed an octave lower. The volume is super low and barely audible, but it rounds out those parts and gives it a bottom. If you can hear it, it also adds a grumbly, almost monstrous sound I associate with lust and jealousy.
Samples:
I sampled myself! I took some of my breath tracks and created a rhythm track with them, which I also did in Zoom. There is something about the human breath that communicates so much by doing very little. I rarely delete my breaths from my tracks because I consider them part of the song.
Percussion
The percussion track is all a GarageBand drummer. I use the singer-songwriter settings which uses congas and shakers, rather than a drum kit. I like the raw, Latin feel of that set. I initially had some shame around using free recording software, the most basic one that came with my mac, but I figure it keeps me from getting distracted by all kinds of fancy plugins and effects. The purpose of this album is to communicate the stories of these songs, and in this case, sometimes less is more.
I recorded a version with and without the percussion and most people didn’t notice the difference. That is amazing because there is a lot going on there, but I guess it’s what your ear pays attention to. The “song” is the same.
There is also an acoustic upright bass which is the piano bass line with a sampled acoustic bass sound. Again, a GarageBand preset. I then flipped the notes so the bass line was moving in the opposite direction from the piano bass line. This song is heavy on vocals, so I let them do the work and pulled the percussion parts lower in the mix.
Mastering
This song isn’t mastered yet, because I realized how much I still have to learn. I am going to wait until all the songs are done, make sure they all sound delicious, before sending them to mastering. In the meantime, those who pre-purchased the album will be able to listen to the unmastered tracks.
Lyrics
Da da da da da da da
Is it bad that I want you? Is it bad that I need you?
Is it bad that I want you to sneak in my room and take me away?
Is it bad that I want you? Is it bad that I need you?
Want to pin you down imprint my body into your skin…
But I hate to admit ‘cause the thought makes me sick
That I might fall asleep without tasting your lips
Without feeling the weight of your body on mine
Undulating, pulsating a rhythm in time
Ah -
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Is it bad I already have written the score?
From your hands in my hair to your breath on my neck
To your belt on my bedroom floor?
Is it bad that I’m ready whenever you are?
What’s the harm in keeping you warm as we crash underneath the stars?
But I’ll lay here instead without you in my bed
Cause you’re too damn confused to get out of your head
So for never in time will our bodies collide dig my nails in your spine,
and we’re rumbling toward the
Ah -
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Is it bad that I’m mad at you for wanting me, too?
For taunting me, haunting me, hunting me, hurting me
just like I want you to, just like I want you to, just like I want you to…
Ah -
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Is it bad that I want you?
COPYRIGHT JESSICA PAIGE MAGOCH, ASCAP
Grab your copy:
You’ll get Is it bad that I want you? prior to the public release when you support the album here: